Art by Daniel B. Source: https://twitter.com/danielcalmdown0/status/1283371090023190531
Notes on self-care.
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
— Audre Lorde
Self-care means something different for everyone. This page lists general words of wisdom that have particularly stuck with me. It’s never too late to learn these.
1. General
None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an afterthought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you're carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There's no time for anything else. Learn how to appreciate everyday things, the real luxuries: a good night's sleep, slow mornings, long walks, colorful sunsets, favorite home-cooked meal, a good conversation. Don't ration out the good coffee: being alive is as special an occasion as it gets.
There's a certain brand of leftism that insists you can't enjoy anything as long as anyone anywhere is suffering. You can't live like that, though, you'll burn out and you won't actually help anyone. If you want to help people, you need to help them find some joy in this bitter world, no matter how small, and you can't do that if you won't let yourself experience any either.
— @tilton
Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from. Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business; don't waste space is your head carrying other people' mean thoughts for them. Never make yourself smaller just to make other people more comfortable. Speak as kindly to yourself as you would speak to others.
Learn how to find people more interesting than things.
You only have to impress yourself, not the community. Friends come and go. Live your own life.
2. A good life comes from pursuing what you want with all the effort you can muster.
3. Knowing what you want requires you first to be okay with yourself and accepting of who you are.
It's okay to not keep doing things forever. "Forever" is not the only acceptable definition of success. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is just as valuable and "real".
Don't tie your identity to your job. Jobs are temporary, often ending unpredictably. When your identity is your work, your mental health is impacted horribly when your job security is at risk or you get let go.
Instead of wondering if something is normal, ask if it's harmful.
[…]
Does it make your life harder? Then you might want to do something about it. Does it cause harm to others? Definitely do something to correct it.But to cry when you watch movies? Or to want to cuddle so much that you lose any interest in actually having sex? Or to hate the world we inherited so much that it hurts, and so you channel it into helping others suffer a little less?
Who gives a shit about normal. That's human.
— @soatok
Fuck having impostor syndrome, if I'm not entitled to be here they should've barred the doors better. If I'm doing everything wrong because of imaginary rules that nobody told me about, that's their problem, you should have made your confusing system more idiot-proof.
I'm not here to please everyone and do everything right. I'm here to make bad art, chew on furniture, make people laugh, cook awful food and look at pretty landscapes, and piss off the people who don't want me to exist. If I have an unseen infinite debt somewhere that I can never pay back, I'm going to keep running that tab until I die.
We've become a society of ideological orphans, desperately adopting belief systems as surrogate families, then defending them with the fierce loyalty of abandoned children.
[...]
I call it “fluid integrity”—the capacity to hold your values deeply enough that you're not blown around by every cultural wind, yet lightly enough that you can evolve them without losing yourself. It means understanding that you are the space in which beliefs arise and pass away, not the beliefs themselves.
2. Community & the future
With the way the world is set up we often forget we're social beings and how much we thrive while in community. Society works when people help each other. Offer help; accept help. It creates bonds and weakens the fractionation between people that benefits those who would use us.
Mutual aid is for everyone, and that includes you. Even if you don't feel you need help, even if you don't want to take away from people who need it more, try to participate anyway. The revolutionary potential of mutual aid is that it does not just satisfy people's material needs directly — it strengthens the resilience of a community and creates a dynamic of interdependence in which the outside system is cut from the equation as much as possible. There is no hierarchy of “deservingness”, where people who deserve mutual aid are the people who are unable to participate in capitalism, and people who are able to participate in capitalism are expected to satisfy their needs in that way. Stop placing capitalism above mutual aid — source from your community instead.
Once you've received help, keep the network going, and give back. Stay in touch with the people who helped you out. Pay it forward to another person in need.
“Don't believe the lie of individual trees, each a monument to its own self-made success. A forest is an interdependent community. Resources are shared, and life in isolation is a death sentence.”
— Becky Chambers in To Be Taught, If Fortunate
Making others lives better is why we all are here. Embrace the inner punk. We're working for the long vision, the seven generations, far beyond our current horizon. The seeds we sow will not be growing out in our lifetimes — we're part of a larger group who are moving things along, taking care of something we will eventually pass on.
“People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider's webs. It's not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of the cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go.”
To live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvellous victory. Human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness, and what we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future.
It looks like the French elections have shown people that they can just stand up and oppose. That it's not inevitable that fascism will capture the state and then kill us all. That we don't have to make compromises and let our friends and loved ones be dehumanised in silence. Suddenly it feels as if there are a lot of people who are feeling this, and a mood of possibility is beginning to spread. It's intoxicating.
No more suffering in silence.
3. Hobbies
You don't have to be good at your hobbies to like them. It's also okay to try out new things for fun without committing all the way. Making art is a human behavior the way birds sing and bees make hives. It's not a skill you do to have to get good at. The projects that interest you don't need to make money or impress.
“is she *good* at painting sunsets? what a weird and sad thing to ask.”
Nobody is blessed with an innate skill and nobody needs permission from a deity, luck or fate to start creating art. A “talent” is a combination of effort, passion, access to practice and knowledge, and the ability to explore and learn in a nurturing environment. Express yourself via art and don't let the concept of talent dissuade you from exploring.
Don't force yourself. You could be sick, stressed, anxious, depressed. You could be physically, mentally, or emotionally tired. If someone's telling you to deal wth artist block by doing a thing everyday, they don't have your best interests in mind. Lack of inspiration is the last thing it could be. Taking the time to rest and recharge is a part of making art.
for new hobbies:
start tiny: use the smallest, cheapest, most minimal thing to start. if knitting, buy shitty needles and thread, no machine, no gear
no peanut galleries: browsing reddit abt ur new hobby will be u feel inferior & small - it’ll make you feel like there are “wrong” paths
find community: search for a local, in-person community related to your hobby - get inspiration by forming real connections
— jes